Tonight I saw my third full moon since I have lived in Thailand.It may be kind of strange that I find comfort in the sight of the moon, but somehow as I look at it and realize my loved ones in America are viewing the same celestial object. It seems to shrink the distance. It also marks the fact that I have been here for a long time... a fact that hinders my happiness during some parts of the day. At home it is time for spring breaks and time with family, but I will be spending my spring break travelling around Thailand. Hummm... When I state it like that I guess it doesn't sound so bad, but for a little baby like me I am homesick! lol. Oh well, I guess I am going to have to enjoy my time with the white sands.... ;)
Things are ending school wise already and today I finished my internship. I wasn't prepared for the things that happened at my internship, something I am not worthy of.When we got to the school that three other girls and I teach English at we were greeted by my little buddy, a 14 year old named Bow from Agape Home with major facial deformations. She knew it was our last day and over and over she would sneak out of her classroom to see us while we were waiting to teach and gave me several notes saying she didn't want us to go and that she loved us. It was a confirmation that even though I thought we didn't deeply influence the children in our internship, we seemed to effect her. Later, as my class was ending, the Principle had all the 5th and 6th grade classes I taught came into my classroom and gave my companions and I gifts and a notebook of the student's written thank yous for teaching them. It floored me. We had asked to teach at their school, didn't really do a great job (in my opinion ;-) ) and added a lot of complications to their teaching schedule, yet the children loved learning English from us and the teachers thanked us over and over again. As class ended and I walked outside of my classroom groups of children surrounded me and asked for my address and phone number. They asked where I was from, and just spent several moments staring at me... These Thai children, in their dirty little uniforms and cute pigtails or buzz cuts, are so precious and I can truly say that each of them are so beautiful because they are God's children and He whispered in my ear how much He loves each of them. It was amazing. And I got to spend some time with them. I will never forget the way they impacted me and what I learned in that place.
The second part of my internship ended today as we drove into the parking lot at Agape Home. We ride from the school to Agape in the back of a large truck, turned into a covered taxi type vehicle. It was our last ride with our beloved Agape kids and it was hard to be happy. My companions and I hurried to change into our play clothes from our teaching uniforms. But before we started to play with the kids Christie, one of my fellow internship ladies, said we should pray for the Agape Home and for the leadership team at Agape. We gathered the ladies around us, Avis ( who founded Agape) Laura ( who is a long time employee/ second in command) and Elle ( a woman who invited us over to her home for an American meal and is a huge part of Agape as well) and we had a wonderful time of prayer and encouragement. It was so very hard to say goodbye, but Laura said good wisdom to us. Even though we may not know what ways we impacted the children, we did and later in their lives something that we did will stick out in their journeys and impact them in some way. I left feeling both blessed and sad. It was a hard day today.
On a lighter note last weekend was a huge goodbye/ thank you dinner for our host families and it was sooo much fun! It was on the edge of a lake and it was beautiful enough to have been my wedding reception. lol. For the dinner several people were asked to perform different things and I was allowed to sing Unforgettable by Nat King Cole. It was so fun to sing a song that my Ajarns ( professors) loved and it could say how our families were unforgettable to us now. Kind of corny, but hey, it was fun!
Thank you for your prayers, they have been a big help.If you could pray a renewed prayer of spark in my time over here that would be wonderful. I love this semester and even as I write I am encouraged of the things that are to come, but my heart longs for something familiar, something American. Oh what I would do to drive a car, hehe. Also please pray that I would continue to have an open heart for God's plan in my life and that I wouldn't be afraid when He wants to teach me something. Thank you so much, it is very comforting to know I have a team cheering for me at home ;)
Love to each of you!Sawadeekah,Kt
Monday, March 9, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Life is hard
Someone told me that the second month of time abroad is harder than the first month. I didn't believe them. I have now found that this is a stupid way to take advice.
My second month in Thailand has been extremely hard compared to my first month. I think it has to do with the fact that we students are ready for the unexpected to occur the first month and don't get too fazed when something weird happens to us. But by the second month we think we should be adjusted, we should be able to talk to our host families about stuff (cause most of them don't speak English and we are 'learning' Thai) we should be settled into our internships, and we should not be shocked by so many differences.
Sidenote: I have actually accomplished an adjustment here in Thailand....I have finally stopped being repulsed by the smell of rotting coconut and other rotting vegetation that permeates the city from the open sewage :). That is a big step for me (as some of my friends know I am sensitive to yucky smells...lol) And that is when part of me realized I am starting to fit in! But then I am startled by something else culturally shocking and I am reminded of my differences to this country. Bummer.
I have been in a funk for a few weeks with my days going from AMAZING! to terrible, back to AMAZING and then to a suffocating empty feeling...all in one day. Not only is it getting hotter temperature wise here (which is affecting the mood of most of my group) it is getting hotter in a non-physical sense. Our internships are ending, we have three weeks with our families left, we have finals and papers due and we are still far from learning everything there is to learn in Chiang Mai. Earlier today I would have said I was so excited for this time to end, but this afternoon I changed my mind.
While I was at my internship at Agape ( a HIV positive orphanage) I looked at the faces of my 'kids' and realized how much they have taken of my heart. I have lived many months in the states with a saying like "It is easier not to love than to lose through love," but in Thailand I couldn't live this way anymore. These kids have taken a part of my heart. It was mine to give and I offered it with open abandonment, only, I didn't realize I was doing it.
What hurts me the most though is the fact that I will be only a face to them, I am not much more. So many volunteers go through the orphanage and play with these children for a few weeks, or maybe months, but then they eventually go back to their home countries and never return. To these children that is who I am. I am another nice girl, Pii Katie (big sister Katie) and I will leave them one day. However, to me these children have become my teachers and precious carriers of a part of me. It is hard to daily invest in them with this fact looming over my head, but I can't help it. I have grown to love these children, even though I have been annoyed by a few of them (when you have five little girls all playing with you and they keep running by you and smacking you on the bottom you would get a little annoyed too... :) )
My favorite, and I know you aren't supposed to have favorites, is a little boy named Seewanon. He has curly hair, dark skin, and tiny little limbs. He also has the cutest giggle and laughs often and has a mischievous streak in him. He happens to be the first child to take my hand and ask me to play with him in a sandbox the first day about a month ago. I have told my moma a few times that I may bring her back a cute little souvenir, and I think I may have selected him, lol. He has taught me that even though he is sick with an incurable disease, he lives life with joy and loves without much hesitation. How is it that a young child of maybe 3 can teach me a lesson that I have needed to learn for quite some time now? Granted I don't think his little head is filled with thoughts like "I have Aids, but I am going to live each day with incredible joy and thankfulness," but I am sure he has to decide how to live as an abandoned child with deep hurts.
Seewanon has influenced a lesson my spirit was refusing to learn.
I have been living spiritually dry lately. I have asked the Lord to bring back the spark that I had at the beginning of the trip, but without real desire for it. It was an incomplete craving, I still was holding on to something, I am not sure what, and it wasn't allowing my soul to breathe and for God to work in my heart. Therefore I was feeling drained, I was striving for accomplishment in the different areas of my life instead of letting Him guide me. I was trying to love and play with the kids instead of simply playing with the kids. It is hard to explain in writing. But today I realized (again) that it is a conscious decision to release my hold on my life and once again follow Him. This sounds kind of crazy, why the heck would someone 'give up their life for God to lead' them, but I have found that these words are a crummy way that we explain something that cannot really be explained in words. I mean, is there any way to explain the beauty chocolate can bring to someone's soul when they are having a bad day??? No! it is unexplainable in words :) . It is also really hard to explain the concept of God leading your every move in the day. I have heard the words 'daily surrender' which is close I guess. All I really know is that the days and moments that I somehow decide to trust my Heavenly Father have sparkled and exploded into something so unbelievable. I feel as if I am living life the way it is supposed to be lived, with great joy. And joy is different than happiness I have found. It permeates from your soul, the place that feels all warm and fuzzy when you look at a little baby, and overflows into each word and action you commit. Happiness is more of a surface thing. Anyway, my point is, when I have trusted God and quite worrying about so many little details, I live 'real' life.
Wow, this is a long post.... I wanted to share the exciting lesson in my life and to use it as an update on my time here in Thailand. I love sharing this with you and thanks for reading until the end of this extremely long blog.
Prayer Requests: For a strong finish in my school work, internship, and daily life. I also ask for prayer concerning my strong feelings of homesickness :)
Love and joy(!) from your little friend overseas!
Love, Katie
My second month in Thailand has been extremely hard compared to my first month. I think it has to do with the fact that we students are ready for the unexpected to occur the first month and don't get too fazed when something weird happens to us. But by the second month we think we should be adjusted, we should be able to talk to our host families about stuff (cause most of them don't speak English and we are 'learning' Thai) we should be settled into our internships, and we should not be shocked by so many differences.
Sidenote: I have actually accomplished an adjustment here in Thailand....I have finally stopped being repulsed by the smell of rotting coconut and other rotting vegetation that permeates the city from the open sewage :). That is a big step for me (as some of my friends know I am sensitive to yucky smells...lol) And that is when part of me realized I am starting to fit in! But then I am startled by something else culturally shocking and I am reminded of my differences to this country. Bummer.
I have been in a funk for a few weeks with my days going from AMAZING! to terrible, back to AMAZING and then to a suffocating empty feeling...all in one day. Not only is it getting hotter temperature wise here (which is affecting the mood of most of my group) it is getting hotter in a non-physical sense. Our internships are ending, we have three weeks with our families left, we have finals and papers due and we are still far from learning everything there is to learn in Chiang Mai. Earlier today I would have said I was so excited for this time to end, but this afternoon I changed my mind.
While I was at my internship at Agape ( a HIV positive orphanage) I looked at the faces of my 'kids' and realized how much they have taken of my heart. I have lived many months in the states with a saying like "It is easier not to love than to lose through love," but in Thailand I couldn't live this way anymore. These kids have taken a part of my heart. It was mine to give and I offered it with open abandonment, only, I didn't realize I was doing it.
What hurts me the most though is the fact that I will be only a face to them, I am not much more. So many volunteers go through the orphanage and play with these children for a few weeks, or maybe months, but then they eventually go back to their home countries and never return. To these children that is who I am. I am another nice girl, Pii Katie (big sister Katie) and I will leave them one day. However, to me these children have become my teachers and precious carriers of a part of me. It is hard to daily invest in them with this fact looming over my head, but I can't help it. I have grown to love these children, even though I have been annoyed by a few of them (when you have five little girls all playing with you and they keep running by you and smacking you on the bottom you would get a little annoyed too... :) )
My favorite, and I know you aren't supposed to have favorites, is a little boy named Seewanon. He has curly hair, dark skin, and tiny little limbs. He also has the cutest giggle and laughs often and has a mischievous streak in him. He happens to be the first child to take my hand and ask me to play with him in a sandbox the first day about a month ago. I have told my moma a few times that I may bring her back a cute little souvenir, and I think I may have selected him, lol. He has taught me that even though he is sick with an incurable disease, he lives life with joy and loves without much hesitation. How is it that a young child of maybe 3 can teach me a lesson that I have needed to learn for quite some time now? Granted I don't think his little head is filled with thoughts like "I have Aids, but I am going to live each day with incredible joy and thankfulness," but I am sure he has to decide how to live as an abandoned child with deep hurts.
Seewanon has influenced a lesson my spirit was refusing to learn.
I have been living spiritually dry lately. I have asked the Lord to bring back the spark that I had at the beginning of the trip, but without real desire for it. It was an incomplete craving, I still was holding on to something, I am not sure what, and it wasn't allowing my soul to breathe and for God to work in my heart. Therefore I was feeling drained, I was striving for accomplishment in the different areas of my life instead of letting Him guide me. I was trying to love and play with the kids instead of simply playing with the kids. It is hard to explain in writing. But today I realized (again) that it is a conscious decision to release my hold on my life and once again follow Him. This sounds kind of crazy, why the heck would someone 'give up their life for God to lead' them, but I have found that these words are a crummy way that we explain something that cannot really be explained in words. I mean, is there any way to explain the beauty chocolate can bring to someone's soul when they are having a bad day??? No! it is unexplainable in words :) . It is also really hard to explain the concept of God leading your every move in the day. I have heard the words 'daily surrender' which is close I guess. All I really know is that the days and moments that I somehow decide to trust my Heavenly Father have sparkled and exploded into something so unbelievable. I feel as if I am living life the way it is supposed to be lived, with great joy. And joy is different than happiness I have found. It permeates from your soul, the place that feels all warm and fuzzy when you look at a little baby, and overflows into each word and action you commit. Happiness is more of a surface thing. Anyway, my point is, when I have trusted God and quite worrying about so many little details, I live 'real' life.
Wow, this is a long post.... I wanted to share the exciting lesson in my life and to use it as an update on my time here in Thailand. I love sharing this with you and thanks for reading until the end of this extremely long blog.
Prayer Requests: For a strong finish in my school work, internship, and daily life. I also ask for prayer concerning my strong feelings of homesickness :)
Love and joy(!) from your little friend overseas!
Love, Katie
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Fight
We all have our good days, I happened to have a bad one.
Why is it that sometimes a little deal can turn into something that shakes us to the core? It is frustrating that one detail can make my day a fight for control, and yet the detail is so minute. There is so much out in the world and in my own life that has so much more value and should matter more.
Today doesn't concern me though, today was a fight for 20,000+ Thai people. Today was a special day in history as 20,000 walked four miles around the perimeter of the old Chiang Mai city wall and protested against their government. Don't get me wrong, many people would die for their king, but there is a separate section of Thai government that is not protecting the people and is over-taxing the masses. For this reason I marched with them through the encouragement of my Khun Paw (my dad) and protested along with them. Unfortunately I didn't understand every issue I seemed to be supporting by walking with them, but I learned a lesson, or two.
Democracy is such a blessing that we Americans possess. We need to be continually grateful that we have the government system that we have and we need to give more support than we do to our President. Most of the people in Thailand would willingly lay down their lives for their king ( my friend basically said she would die in an instant for him), and we publicly chastise and poke fun of our leader. How many rude cartoons are created about our President and how acceptable has it become to slander him? It has even become stylish in some sort to make crude comments about Bush. Granted the President hasn't done every good deed that the Thai king has accomplished to deserve his Majesty's loyalty, but aren't we as Christians and as respectable adults supposed to be respectful of authority? Since my landing on Asian soil a month ago, my stomach has turned over countless times over the embarrassment I feel from the lack of loyalty my country showed to our late President.
Our newly elected Obama has a big responsibility on his hands. I was never a supporter of him during the election, but now I have made a choice to support him in any way I can. Thai people have taught me that I need to be supportive of anyone who is in authority over me, especially my President, and I should do it willingly. He has a huge job ahead of him that should intimidate any man or woman. I have learned how much hope is placed in Obama's election, and most of this hope is coming from my newly found Thai friends. He is not only a new hope for half of our country ( ;) ), but he is also the hope for the rest of the world! What a responsibility!
My march taught me to listen to the politics going on around me, and to care about what they are saying. It also made me thankful for the fact that I am Amercian and I will be able to return to the land of the free. No political scream will cut to your bones like a scream for simple freedom. Simple freedom. Not so simple after all. It is important to be thankful, to listen to what is going on in our country (i.e. be less self centered), and to support our President in respect. I will resort to my ever-so-wise mother who told me several times in my childhood that 'if you don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all.'
I walked four miles in a red shirt and red bandanna showing my support to the Thai people who support their king, but ask the corrupt government to give them rights. My blood pumped. My heart was convicted and my ways were questioned. My white face was one in 5,000 tan faces therefore making me one of a tiny minority of maybe 4-5 American/ Europeans marching alongside these Thai people. I had people taking photos of me just for my skin color and posing with me to snap a quick shot (usually without my knowledge of the photo until it was taken) because I was a white person who heard their cry. I have a special position in this world. I am an American who has so much more freedom and privilege than most of the world. And so are you. So what are we going to do about it?
I hope this finds you well, may His peace fill your soul with gladness and may He transform our minds into ones that are selfless.
Loves, Katie
Prayer requests: Please pray for my heart right now. Not sure what is happening or what will happen, but I am in need of support. Also pray for the Thai government, it is unsettled right now and we don't want any violence to break out. Thanks, blessings to you :)
Why is it that sometimes a little deal can turn into something that shakes us to the core? It is frustrating that one detail can make my day a fight for control, and yet the detail is so minute. There is so much out in the world and in my own life that has so much more value and should matter more.
Today doesn't concern me though, today was a fight for 20,000+ Thai people. Today was a special day in history as 20,000 walked four miles around the perimeter of the old Chiang Mai city wall and protested against their government. Don't get me wrong, many people would die for their king, but there is a separate section of Thai government that is not protecting the people and is over-taxing the masses. For this reason I marched with them through the encouragement of my Khun Paw (my dad) and protested along with them. Unfortunately I didn't understand every issue I seemed to be supporting by walking with them, but I learned a lesson, or two.
Democracy is such a blessing that we Americans possess. We need to be continually grateful that we have the government system that we have and we need to give more support than we do to our President. Most of the people in Thailand would willingly lay down their lives for their king ( my friend basically said she would die in an instant for him), and we publicly chastise and poke fun of our leader. How many rude cartoons are created about our President and how acceptable has it become to slander him? It has even become stylish in some sort to make crude comments about Bush. Granted the President hasn't done every good deed that the Thai king has accomplished to deserve his Majesty's loyalty, but aren't we as Christians and as respectable adults supposed to be respectful of authority? Since my landing on Asian soil a month ago, my stomach has turned over countless times over the embarrassment I feel from the lack of loyalty my country showed to our late President.
Our newly elected Obama has a big responsibility on his hands. I was never a supporter of him during the election, but now I have made a choice to support him in any way I can. Thai people have taught me that I need to be supportive of anyone who is in authority over me, especially my President, and I should do it willingly. He has a huge job ahead of him that should intimidate any man or woman. I have learned how much hope is placed in Obama's election, and most of this hope is coming from my newly found Thai friends. He is not only a new hope for half of our country ( ;) ), but he is also the hope for the rest of the world! What a responsibility!
My march taught me to listen to the politics going on around me, and to care about what they are saying. It also made me thankful for the fact that I am Amercian and I will be able to return to the land of the free. No political scream will cut to your bones like a scream for simple freedom. Simple freedom. Not so simple after all. It is important to be thankful, to listen to what is going on in our country (i.e. be less self centered), and to support our President in respect. I will resort to my ever-so-wise mother who told me several times in my childhood that 'if you don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all.'
I walked four miles in a red shirt and red bandanna showing my support to the Thai people who support their king, but ask the corrupt government to give them rights. My blood pumped. My heart was convicted and my ways were questioned. My white face was one in 5,000 tan faces therefore making me one of a tiny minority of maybe 4-5 American/ Europeans marching alongside these Thai people. I had people taking photos of me just for my skin color and posing with me to snap a quick shot (usually without my knowledge of the photo until it was taken) because I was a white person who heard their cry. I have a special position in this world. I am an American who has so much more freedom and privilege than most of the world. And so are you. So what are we going to do about it?
I hope this finds you well, may His peace fill your soul with gladness and may He transform our minds into ones that are selfless.
Loves, Katie
Prayer requests: Please pray for my heart right now. Not sure what is happening or what will happen, but I am in need of support. Also pray for the Thai government, it is unsettled right now and we don't want any violence to break out. Thanks, blessings to you :)
Monday, January 19, 2009
Thankfulness
Hey y'all
My life recently has been a great lesson on thankfulness, a lesson that I didn't know I still really had to learn at such a deep level. But here I am, humbled to my core, wishing I wasn't so materialistic. I moved in with my host family yesterday and it was not what I had been expecting. The language barrier and the lack of homey comforts has left me struggling for calm in my heart. I didn't realize how good we really do have it in America.... but I challenge each of you, in every struggle you are going through, concentrate on being thankful. Then see what happens. You might be surprised. Be thankful for warm showers. Be thankful for education that can run you ragged ( because of future benefits and character shaping :) ), for a simple thing such as your ability to speak fluent English, for laundry, for plumbing in general, for the little things in life that you don't even realize go so smoothly and so easily. Be thankful for all the little details that people do in the day to make your life easier at Westmont or even in the community. Be thankful for the beautiful country you were born into. We spend so much time in life wishing, wanting, planning and groping for something more, something we believe is right in front of us, within reach if we really concentrate on obtaining it... but really, look at what is already before you. Don't ignore God's blessings to you that are right in front of your face! Even if you don't live in a 'dream home' by America's standards..... you live in a home and in a country that so many people idolize. Even if you don't have the latest gadget or the same quality car as a neighbor, are you really missing out? Don't play the comparisson game. It kills joy ( as was posted all over Westmont campus at one time). I am not typing this message in a point-my-finger sort of way, I am speaking to my own soul as well. I am being totally convicted. Layed bare. You may be trying to gain comfort and benefits by fighting to gain what you don't have yet, but I am trying to let you all know that comparing and worring about the little things instead of trusting completely in God for those little details and big situations kills life!
I have it so much easier than you all in understanding and desiring thankfulness because I am in a new environment, in a new situation and a different culture that screams at my heart to grow up and be thankful. But you are still in the situation that you are used to. You are still in school and still at home working at the same job, doing the same routine, eating the same food, sleeping in the same bed, loving the same people. You don't have the benefit I do of being directly confronted, but I am going to challenge you directly anyway. Look for new ways to love, to consume life and to conquer the difficult aspects of your everyday life. I want your lives to be affected in some way or another through this trip I am on, whether you read this and know what my deep thoughts consist of, or if you decide to challenge yourself, my goal is accomplished. I really do love sharing my thoughts as it humbles me because they are not always a good set of thoughts to have.... but I am blessed to write to you. Thank you for reading and for sending your love my way through either thought or prayer.
Prayer requests: for the desire to be with my host family, for emotional strength, for health as I may not be getting the best sleep in my new bed for the next couple of months, and for my ability to look at each situation through new eyes. I want the deeper taste of life, I ask to find it by losing selfish thoughts.
Love sent your way from across the globe,
Katie
My life recently has been a great lesson on thankfulness, a lesson that I didn't know I still really had to learn at such a deep level. But here I am, humbled to my core, wishing I wasn't so materialistic. I moved in with my host family yesterday and it was not what I had been expecting. The language barrier and the lack of homey comforts has left me struggling for calm in my heart. I didn't realize how good we really do have it in America.... but I challenge each of you, in every struggle you are going through, concentrate on being thankful. Then see what happens. You might be surprised. Be thankful for warm showers. Be thankful for education that can run you ragged ( because of future benefits and character shaping :) ), for a simple thing such as your ability to speak fluent English, for laundry, for plumbing in general, for the little things in life that you don't even realize go so smoothly and so easily. Be thankful for all the little details that people do in the day to make your life easier at Westmont or even in the community. Be thankful for the beautiful country you were born into. We spend so much time in life wishing, wanting, planning and groping for something more, something we believe is right in front of us, within reach if we really concentrate on obtaining it... but really, look at what is already before you. Don't ignore God's blessings to you that are right in front of your face! Even if you don't live in a 'dream home' by America's standards..... you live in a home and in a country that so many people idolize. Even if you don't have the latest gadget or the same quality car as a neighbor, are you really missing out? Don't play the comparisson game. It kills joy ( as was posted all over Westmont campus at one time). I am not typing this message in a point-my-finger sort of way, I am speaking to my own soul as well. I am being totally convicted. Layed bare. You may be trying to gain comfort and benefits by fighting to gain what you don't have yet, but I am trying to let you all know that comparing and worring about the little things instead of trusting completely in God for those little details and big situations kills life!
I have it so much easier than you all in understanding and desiring thankfulness because I am in a new environment, in a new situation and a different culture that screams at my heart to grow up and be thankful. But you are still in the situation that you are used to. You are still in school and still at home working at the same job, doing the same routine, eating the same food, sleeping in the same bed, loving the same people. You don't have the benefit I do of being directly confronted, but I am going to challenge you directly anyway. Look for new ways to love, to consume life and to conquer the difficult aspects of your everyday life. I want your lives to be affected in some way or another through this trip I am on, whether you read this and know what my deep thoughts consist of, or if you decide to challenge yourself, my goal is accomplished. I really do love sharing my thoughts as it humbles me because they are not always a good set of thoughts to have.... but I am blessed to write to you. Thank you for reading and for sending your love my way through either thought or prayer.
Prayer requests: for the desire to be with my host family, for emotional strength, for health as I may not be getting the best sleep in my new bed for the next couple of months, and for my ability to look at each situation through new eyes. I want the deeper taste of life, I ask to find it by losing selfish thoughts.
Love sent your way from across the globe,
Katie
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I found the real Thailand today
Sawasdeeka, (This is a page or two of my journal)
....the first few days in Thailand we were introduced to a side of Thailand that most tourists want to see and spend their time visiting. It is a beautiful country and a great place to visit, but I couldn't figure out what was missing. Thailand is a third world country, but where is the poverty? My group has visited tourist attractions for days, and finally I have found real life here. Life with passion, hurt, intense struggle and love. My own heart is in an intense tumble and struggle. I feel guilt for what I do have and guilt for what I cannot give because I have too little.
I guess I should start with the less serious side of my past couple of days....I have been trying to get a run in everyday while here; it just makes things taste better, smell better, feel better and it is a great way to be with people. I have been doing about 30 minutes a day with a great guy, David, and my good girl friend Emily mainly along with lots of other group members ( I have single handedly started the SST track team, we are getting pretty big :) ). But yesterday I had too much to think about and headed out on my own. And I found it. I found the real deal. My school is on the edge of Chiang Mai and against a mountain range. My run took me up the mountains toward one of the royal family's palaces.
I passed a car crash (no one was hurt), and kept climbing up past house after house of families with such different financial levels. Shacks, housing complexes, monasteries, and decent homes. How can I be spending my time running for pleasure( or pain haha) when some people are struggling to earn money to even live. I have spent countless hours worried about the fact that my occupation of choice won't get me enough money for that car I want or my dream home. How dare my thoughts be consumed by something so petty, so meaningless. No wonder my heart has felt so empty and worthless at home, I am not dwelling on anything with worth. I am not contributing to the community of America and even Westmont in a way that is truly able to make a difference because I dwell on my own silly problems. My worst fear in a day is the fact that someone said something that stung or that i am going to be late to practice and will have to face the team in a little shame :)... but these people worry for a constant flow of food in their home, for sleep, over terrible sickness and over their lost souls.
Another thing. How am I supposed to even make a difference here when I can't speak the language, when I don't have an over abundance of wealth to share or any knowledge of how to feed these people in the physical sense as well as the spiritual sense. At least some can give their skills in medicine, some can give money to others without any worry of running out, and some can just talk with them. I can do none of these options. But I can decide to not dwell on these facts and to continue to be open to God's plan and God's idea for my life. And that is where my hope comes from.
I am going to intern at an HIV positive orphanage while I am here in Thailand. I don't know how this will impact my life, but i know there will be many emotions. I am most excited to finally do something that matters.
I have so much more to write, but not enough time...
God use what I have, let it be enough, let it be something that matters.
Amen...
I hope everyone is doing well in whatever you all are busy with. Maybe by reading this a new breath of air will fill your lungs and you will be inspired to think outside of your struggles for a few moments to consider the hurts of others. I love you all, thanks for the thoughts and prayers you are sending my way
love, Katie
....the first few days in Thailand we were introduced to a side of Thailand that most tourists want to see and spend their time visiting. It is a beautiful country and a great place to visit, but I couldn't figure out what was missing. Thailand is a third world country, but where is the poverty? My group has visited tourist attractions for days, and finally I have found real life here. Life with passion, hurt, intense struggle and love. My own heart is in an intense tumble and struggle. I feel guilt for what I do have and guilt for what I cannot give because I have too little.
I guess I should start with the less serious side of my past couple of days....I have been trying to get a run in everyday while here; it just makes things taste better, smell better, feel better and it is a great way to be with people. I have been doing about 30 minutes a day with a great guy, David, and my good girl friend Emily mainly along with lots of other group members ( I have single handedly started the SST track team, we are getting pretty big :) ). But yesterday I had too much to think about and headed out on my own. And I found it. I found the real deal. My school is on the edge of Chiang Mai and against a mountain range. My run took me up the mountains toward one of the royal family's palaces.
I passed a car crash (no one was hurt), and kept climbing up past house after house of families with such different financial levels. Shacks, housing complexes, monasteries, and decent homes. How can I be spending my time running for pleasure( or pain haha) when some people are struggling to earn money to even live. I have spent countless hours worried about the fact that my occupation of choice won't get me enough money for that car I want or my dream home. How dare my thoughts be consumed by something so petty, so meaningless. No wonder my heart has felt so empty and worthless at home, I am not dwelling on anything with worth. I am not contributing to the community of America and even Westmont in a way that is truly able to make a difference because I dwell on my own silly problems. My worst fear in a day is the fact that someone said something that stung or that i am going to be late to practice and will have to face the team in a little shame :)... but these people worry for a constant flow of food in their home, for sleep, over terrible sickness and over their lost souls.
Another thing. How am I supposed to even make a difference here when I can't speak the language, when I don't have an over abundance of wealth to share or any knowledge of how to feed these people in the physical sense as well as the spiritual sense. At least some can give their skills in medicine, some can give money to others without any worry of running out, and some can just talk with them. I can do none of these options. But I can decide to not dwell on these facts and to continue to be open to God's plan and God's idea for my life. And that is where my hope comes from.
I am going to intern at an HIV positive orphanage while I am here in Thailand. I don't know how this will impact my life, but i know there will be many emotions. I am most excited to finally do something that matters.
I have so much more to write, but not enough time...
God use what I have, let it be enough, let it be something that matters.
Amen...
I hope everyone is doing well in whatever you all are busy with. Maybe by reading this a new breath of air will fill your lungs and you will be inspired to think outside of your struggles for a few moments to consider the hurts of others. I love you all, thanks for the thoughts and prayers you are sending my way
love, Katie
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Elephants
Sawasdee-kah!
We hit today running with a quick breakfast and then a 1.5 hour drive to ride elephants in the jungle, raft down a jungle river and eat lunch in an orchid farm. It was so incredible!!!!! It is super fun to go places here as we ride to everything in the back of trucks under camper shells on benches....it is kinda hard to explain, but the gist is that there are no seat belts, the back is open to the road (so if you fall out, it is a bummer) and it is so much more condusive to conversation. I think we should introduce these little buggers to the states. :) oh and I have yet to see a speed limit sign.
It is kind of hard to believe I am going to school right now, oh wait, classes haven't started yet...but when they do (on Monday) I am going to be stressing over memorizing Thai, so a prayer would be appriciated. I wish I could do a better job at explaining my life over here, but there aren't enough minutes and words to do so.
I am attending a college that is as prestigious in Thailand as Stanford or Harvard is to America, which is very awesome and exciting. Chiang Mai University is an honor to attend and we are being honored for coming here to attend.
Right now, life is really good. I am so happy to be here and happy to be a child of God.
Lata' Katie
We hit today running with a quick breakfast and then a 1.5 hour drive to ride elephants in the jungle, raft down a jungle river and eat lunch in an orchid farm. It was so incredible!!!!! It is super fun to go places here as we ride to everything in the back of trucks under camper shells on benches....it is kinda hard to explain, but the gist is that there are no seat belts, the back is open to the road (so if you fall out, it is a bummer) and it is so much more condusive to conversation. I think we should introduce these little buggers to the states. :) oh and I have yet to see a speed limit sign.
It is kind of hard to believe I am going to school right now, oh wait, classes haven't started yet...but when they do (on Monday) I am going to be stressing over memorizing Thai, so a prayer would be appriciated. I wish I could do a better job at explaining my life over here, but there aren't enough minutes and words to do so.
I am attending a college that is as prestigious in Thailand as Stanford or Harvard is to America, which is very awesome and exciting. Chiang Mai University is an honor to attend and we are being honored for coming here to attend.
Right now, life is really good. I am so happy to be here and happy to be a child of God.
Lata' Katie
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Here at last!
Thailand is so amazing and my semester is going to be soooo different and good! It is hot and covered in pretty plants that I love to name and I will learn about all the ones I don't know yet :) Whahahaha, my botany vocabulary is going to grow even more, much to some of your horror. It is a beautiful country with weird food, gorgeous people and a lot of life. The trip here was horrendous, but other than that, my first 5 hours here have been great! lol.
I have such a peace and joy and love KNOWING that I am supposed to be here. my group is made up of such nice people who are also anxious to learn and be open, it is nice to be around them. Reminds me of my x-c team. After living the longest night of my life ( about 19hours of darkness) I am up at 3:15pm here, which is 12:15am your time.... just know I am a yittle tiyord (little tired, for those of you who can't read baby talk)
Right now I am so happy and super excited!
Prayer requests: please pray for my peace to continue and give praise for all He has provided for me already. Classes start tomorrow, and I have no idea what to expect, but I am sure I won't be eaten by the prof or anything terrible like that.
Loves
I have such a peace and joy and love KNOWING that I am supposed to be here. my group is made up of such nice people who are also anxious to learn and be open, it is nice to be around them. Reminds me of my x-c team. After living the longest night of my life ( about 19hours of darkness) I am up at 3:15pm here, which is 12:15am your time.... just know I am a yittle tiyord (little tired, for those of you who can't read baby talk)
Right now I am so happy and super excited!
Prayer requests: please pray for my peace to continue and give praise for all He has provided for me already. Classes start tomorrow, and I have no idea what to expect, but I am sure I won't be eaten by the prof or anything terrible like that.
Loves
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